THE DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE
- Should I wait, your Excellency? - Yes.
Good evening.
The fire isn't lit.
And the table isn't set.
Yet it's past eight o'clock.
Good evening, dear Alice.
Don Raphael! How are you?
I'm fine.
Delighted to see you again.
Good evening.
What a surprise...
to see you tonight!
- You didn't expect us? - Not tonight.
Not tonight?
I was expecting you tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? - Yes.
But Henri made it for tonight.
I'm positive.
That's impossible.
Henri is out attending a business dinner.
That's surprising.
I was there when he invited us.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm busy.
I couldn't have accepted.
I'm dining at the Colombian Embassy.
I really don't know what to say.
I'd ask you to share my dinner,
only I have nothing ready.
I really am sorry.
Don't be sorry. It doesn't matter.
A slight misunderstanding.
Won't you sit down
- and have a drink? - Yes. No?
Don't trouble yourself. We're off.
By the way, I know a very nice inn a few miles away.
I ate there once or twice.
- Come as my guest. - Good idea.
Won't you come along?
You're sweet, but I'm not dressed.
Don't worry. It's a very informal place.
I'll still go and change.
No, come as you are.
Not very cheerful.
Put that on, Alice.
Maybe it's closed.
I'll find out.
Doesn't look too good.
Shall I throw it away?
What's up?
- Is the restaurant closed? - No, Sir.
May we come in?
Of course. One moment.
What does this mean?
Call the proprietor, Mr Manuel.
There's new management.
Then good night, Madam.
No, do come in.
Let's go in.
It's not crowded.
- A bad sign. - Maybe it's too early.
Shall we sit here?
You go there.
Let's start with the wine.
It depends on what we order.
What do you like? Claret? Burgundy?
Burgundy.
Even if I eat oysters or fish,
I prefer red wine.
Well?
Snails Chablis style.
I don't like snails.
I fancy hare pâté,
but in restaurants, it's always too salty.
There's melon.
Good idea. I'll have melon with port.
I'd have caviar, but it might be of poor quality
and in small helpings. I like mine better.
What fish is there?
I'm fond of fish.
Grilled sardines, filet of sole,
fried whiting, brown buttered skate,
quenelles of pike Nantua style, boiled trout...
It's not expensive here.
Cheap, and no customers, that's weird.
Think so?
Then I'll forget about the melon and have a dry martini.
Out of the question. Red wine, that's all...
if that.
And a good Crémant to please Picard.
- What's all this? - Where are you off to?
Stay here.
You shouldn't pry.
So, we'll have...
one melon with port, one melon...
One rollmops...
What's this?
It's the proprietor. He died suddenly this afternoon.
We all loved him.
- He died in that suit? - Why do you keep him there?
We're expecting the undertaker.
Of course, we remain at your service.
No, I'm off. I don't want to eat here.
But why?
Raphael, are you crazy?
I don't mind.
I can assure you that you'll have an excellent dinner.
- I'm leaving. - As you like.
- And where do we go? - Somewhere else.
If you don't mind, I'll go home. Can you give me a lift?
With pleasure.
Republic of Miranda Embassy
Yes?
Mr Sénéchal and Mr Thévenot are here.
Show them in.
Hello, Henri. François. After you.
What was the idea last night?
- Coming to my house? - You asked us.
Your mistake! It was for today!
I couldn't have accepted! Today, I have an engagement.
I don't get it...
Are you free for lunch Saturday?
Saturday? One moment...
It's OK with Francois. One o'clock would be perfect.
Saturday's fine. I've nothing planned.
We'll expect you, then.
Say... There's a pretty girl over there.
Well, well...
What are you doing?
Put that gun down!
I know what I'm doing.
Who is she?
A girl from Miranda.
From Miranda?
Yes. She belongs to a group of terrorists.
They've been after me.
- What for? - What for?!
To shut me up or to murder me.
Who knows with terrorists?
Did you notify the police?
Right now, I'd rather not.
No doubt you understand why.
I had some trouble at the airport.
They wanted to search my diplomatic bag.
I had to call the Minister.
Search the... That's unthinkable!
Yes, well...
A month ago, they arrested the Ambassador of...
An Ambassador with 40 kilos of cocaine.
An Ambassador?
Which one?
The matter was hushed up.
There are 15 kilos.
The press didn't mention it. It was the US Ambassador.
The US Ambassador?
It's the fourth Ambassador arrested.
We'll have to find some other means.
Want to test it?
The Harrison-Srauder?
It's the best.
I have a sample. Come...
Hold out your hand.
It's pure.
Excellent.
I brought the first payment.
You may check it.
I trust you.
The Marseilles gang suspects us.
They'd like to know who our supplier is.
That's a nuisance.
No use worrying now.
Where do you intend to invest that money?
Not in Miranda.
Same place as you.
What's the rate of the Deutschmark?
3.17 to the dollar.
- Should I wait here? - Yes.
Wait, wait.
- Are your masters home? - I'll tell them you're here.
Smells good.
I bet it's a vol-au-vent.
You said the demographic explosion...
- What? - That's it.
I'll explain...
- This is the earth. - And here, the zodiac.
Come here.
Wait.
- What is it? - The guests are here, Sir.
Tell them we'll be down. Serve them drinks.
They can wait 5 minutes. Come on...
Not here. We can't.
But why?
You scream too loud, you know it.
What are we to do?
Put on your dress.
They'll be down shortly. Help yourselves to drinks.
Very well.
- What may I offer you? - Anything you like.
- Same here. - And you, Florence?
I'd like...
dry martini.
My sister had better not drink.
When we brought her home last night...
She was dead-drunk.
She threw up everywhere... The lift, the taxi... It was ghastly.
Her fingernails were filthy.
It isn't true. They weren't filthy. You're the one...
Dry martinis for everybody?
There is no better tranquilliser.
I read it in a woman's paper.
Let me do it. I'll mix it.
These glasses aren't right. Fashion changed.
For a dry martini, the ideal is a cone-shaped glass.
Here it is!
That's about it.
The main thing is the ice.
It's got to be first-rate. Very cold, very hard.
15° or 16°C below. Like this one.
What are you doing?
You pour the gin...
You shake it to cool it, and serve.
Raphael knows that dry martini, like champagne,
should be sipped.
Look...
Let's do an experiment. Get your chauffeur.
My chauffeur?
- What do you want with him? - You'll see.
Darling, like they did in New York in the 30's,
you can add a few drops of Pernod.
Maurice...
- Can you come a minute? - Right away, Your Excellency.
This way.
We'd like you to have a drink with us.
Thank you, Sir.
- Cheers, ladies and gents. - Cheers, Maurice.
Very well, Maurice. You may go. Thanks.
Good afternoon.
See that?
This is exactly
what shouldn't be done with a dry martini.
Don't be nasty. Maurice is a commoner.
He's had no education.
No system will ever enable the masses to acquire refinement.
And yet, you know me. I'm no reactionary.
But where are your masters?
I don't know. They've gone.
Gone? What do you mean?
I saw them run out to the garden.
How long ago?
Four or five minutes.
- Where were they off to? - I don't know.
Excuse me, Madam.
What's the meaning of this?
I don't know.
Maybe we were denounced... The police, a raid...
Think so?
Yes, otherwise, why should they run away?
- They could've warned us! - What if they had no time?
- Let's not stay here. - You're right.
Come on, hurry!
Let's go!
It's cosy, here.
We must leave.
Where can we go?
Never mind, come on.
On your way.
Quick!
Sir?
Good day.
I'm Msgr Dufour, bishop of your diocese.
Are Mr and Mrs Sénéchal home?
No, my Lord, they're out.
- Where are they? - I don't know.
They had guests for lunch then they all left.
- Will they be back? - I suppose so, my Lord.
May I wait for them?
Certainly.
I'd like to sit down a minute, if you don't mind.
- I'm a bit tired. - Please do.
- You walked? - Yes.
I had a car, but I sold it for the benefit of the poor.
- Do you want a drink? - Thank you.
I don't drink.
Tell me, my dear, what's your name, please?
Ines.
Tell me, dear Ines:
is that the gardener's shed I saw on the left?
Yes, my Lord.
But the gardener was fired last week.
Yes, I know that.
If you'll excuse me, I have some work...
Go ahead, please.
What shall we tell them?
- Ines? - Madam?
- Where are they? - Who, Madam?
The guests!
- They've gone. - Gone?!
What does that mean?
We were only gone for 20 minutes.
They had all sorts of drinks.
One doesn't leave like that!
You didn't stop them?
They looked scared and left hurriedly.
Scared of what?
Hello.
Mr and Mrs Sénéchal?
I'm Bishop Dufour, in charge of your diocese.
I wish to talk to you.
What's that?
His Lordship came by a moment ago.
- I asked him in and... - Are you taking me for a fool?
Come on, clear off!
Go on, out!
What got into you? You let anybody in?
He said he was a bishop.
And you believed him?
When we're out, beware of strangers.
Is that clear?
Very well, Madam.
Come, let's tidy up a bit.
They looked scared. That puzzles me.
Thévenot is always scared.
I'll call the Embassy. Perhaps they can explain...
Wait a bit. I'll bet they'll turn up.
You're right. The day's ruined anyway.
Here they are.
Good afternoon.
You see? Do you believe me, now?
I don't get it.
We are embarrassed.
- Never mind. - Will you forgive us?
I gladly forgive you.
- Take a seat. - Thank you.
Excuse me.
Haven't we met before?
It's quite possible.
To what do we owe the honour of your visit?
It's very simple: I'd like to be your gardener.
I beg your pardon?
Your gardener.
To tend your garden,
the vegetables, the flowers, the lawn.
You need a gardener, don't you?
- Yes, indeed. - Well, I'm applying for the job.
- But really, my Lord... - Don't be surprised,
the Church has changed a lot.
You've heard of the worker-priests?
It goes for bishops as well.
Are you skilled in gardening?
I should say!
As a child, I lived in a large house...
rather similar to this one.
My parents - God rest their souls, they both died a violent death -
had a very good gardener.
I learned everything from him.
They died a violent death?
Arsenic poisoning, both of them.
Who did it?
The culprit was never found.
How much would you earn?
Union rate, nothing more nor less.
Our last gardener was non-union.
Maybe.
But I live by the rules.
So, do you agree?
Well...
Alright.
- When can you start? - Right now.
If you will show me your garden.
Let's go.
Excuse me...
a blade of grass in your hair.
Oh, yes. It's nothing.
Let's go.
See you later, Madam.
What will it be, ladies?
Three teas, please.
- Milk or lemon? - Lemon for me.
Same for me.
Milk, please.
Very good.
I can't stand the sight of that musician.
- Which one? - The cellist.
- Don't you like the cello? - I hate it.
Will you change places with me?
Why not.
The cello is an instrument of which I'm very fond.
The tone...
Most orchestras have dismissed them.
Look at that...
If only they were young...
- Did you notice? - What?
The soldier sitting over there.
He's a lieutenant.
- You know him? - No, why?
He's been staring at us since we came in.
I don't know him.
Neither do I.
He looks so sad.
True. But lieutenants often look that way.
I've always wondered why.
Terribly sorry, ladies. We have no more tea.
What? No more tea? What do you mean?
We had quite a crowd
and we've just run out.
- No tea at all? - Not at all, Madam.
Something else?
I'll have coffee.
- Me too. - Me too, with cognac.
We don't sell liquor.
- Then bring us 3 coffees. - Very well.
Excuse me.
I'm Hubert de Rochecahin, cavalry lieutenant.
May I sit at this table?
- But... certainly. - Thank you.
Madam, did you have a happy childhood?
Yes, very happy.
- And you, Madam? - Me too...
- I have but happy memories. - I haven't.
I've several complexes. The Euclid complex...
My own childhood was tragic.
Shall I tell you about it?
Here? Now?
It may be a bit long, but it's interesting.
Well, if you like...
I remember, I was eleven...
I was about to enter military school.
Alright? Not too tight under the arms?
Button up your tunic.
There you are, it's over.
Very nice.
Your father wants to see you.
Come on.
Your son, Sir.
Please, leave us.
Turn around.
Take a few steps.
Very well.
Now, listen to me.
Your mother's dead. I'm responsible for your education.
At military school, discipline is strict.
But it's for your own good.
I hope you'll do credit to the name I gave you.
That's all I have to say to you.
Mother!
MOTHER, l...
Hubert, my son...
It's me.
Don't be afraid.
Come.
Don't be afraid.
Listen to me.
Come closer.
The man who lives here and calls you his son
is not your father.
You understand?
Look...
This is your real father.
The other one killed him
in a duel, long ago. We were very much in love.
Now, listen to me. Don't be afraid.
Your so-called father
wakes up every night and drinks a glass of milk.
In the bathroom cabinet, you'll find a blue phial.
Take this phial tonight, when he's asleep...
and empty it into his glass.
It's the last thing I ask of you.
Adieu, my son.
A few days later, I was off to military school,
where an exciting life was in store for me.
Sorry, ladies. No more coffee.
- What's this? - And no more milk.
- Are you kidding? - Not at all.
But we've been extraordinarily busy today.
There's no more coffee nor milk.
What can we drink?
- Do you have verbena? - Sorry.
No more herb teas.
You have water?
Of course! That I can promise.
So, bring some.
It is hard to believe.
Thank you for listening.
With your permission, I'll leave.
Suit yourself.
And thank you.
My God! I just remembered!
I have an appointment. I must go.
Excuse me.
- We'll meet again. - Sure. See you soon.
Sorry I'm late, darling.
Not too much.
- Champagne? - With pleasure.
No...
Afterwards.
No...
- Take off your clothes. - Switch off the light.
- Why? - It hasn't healed yet.
What?
Nothing on your hands.
On my hands, no, but elsewhere...
My God! If you saw it!
In that case...
This dress! What a nuisance!
Turn off the light!
- Did you hear that? - Yes.
Who can it be?
Wait.
Oh, it's you!
Very good.
Come. After you.
What's up?
I saw Sénéchal, this morning.
He's sorry about the missed luncheon.
A misunderstanding, it seems.
- He asked us to dinner tonight. - Tonight?
Who is it?
Your husband.
- My wife's in your room? - Yes.
She's been there five minutes.
That's odd.
She didn't tell you?
You're here? What a coincidence!
I also came to invite Raphael.
- Are you free tonight? - Entirely free.
- Shall we go together, as usual? - Gladly.
- A drop of champagne? - No, I've got to leave.
Coming home with me?
No, wait...
Let her stay just two minutes.
- What for? - I must show her the sursiks.
- The what? - The sursiks.
Oh, yes...
I'll wait in the car.
I'll come right away.
- What are sursiks? - I don't know. It doesn't matter...
Come!
You're out of your mind!
He might come up again!
Just a minute...
No. Let go of me! Let me go!
See you tonight, darling.
Good bye.
Stand still.
Hands up.
Any weapons?
You're better suited for love than for war games.
Come on, girl.
Come on!
You think I'm a bastard.
I'd even be a socialist...
if socialists believed in God.
How old are you?
You and your friends don't stand a chance.
Violence leads nowhere.
I keep saying so.
You're a good little housewife.
You've bread, lettuce...
The key to your dreams...
Caramba!
Forewarned is forearmed. Don't you agree?
Champagne?
Do you have any brothers?
In our heart of hearts, we think alike.
The bomb and pollution, for instance.
You're against them. Well, so am I.
You're in favour of free love? So am I.
You have no right to touch me...
Mao Tse Tung is right.
Bastards like you must be eliminated.
No, I don't agree.
If Mao said that, it means he doesn't understand Freud.
In fact, if you think about it,
the only solution to starvation and poverty
is in the hands of the Army.
You'll realize it in Miranda,
when you have to open your pretty thighs
to an infantry battalion.
You disagree?
And now?
Surely, your gun must be loaded.
Since you came to kill me,
I could easily get rid of you.
Self-defence.
But I'll show you I can be generous.
The door is open. Get out.
Go!
I've a dinner party tonight. I must get ready.
Go.
You don't know what W.I.M. means?
To me, initials, you know...
Women's International Movement.
You know the rallying sign of the W.I.M.?
It's this.
An idiotic sign like all the others.
Fascists, communists, victory...
and Christ is our Lord. - And Morituri te salutant.
Raphael, can you come a minute?
May I introduce Don Raphael Acosta,
Ambassador of Miranda.
Bishop Dufour.
- Your Lordship. - Your Excellency.
We'll start dinner soon.
In the meantime, will you have a drink?
I don't normally, but I'll have a spot of whisky,
with soda.
- Raphael? - Nothing, thank you.
I'm delighted to meet you.
You know we have an important mission in Bogota.
Bogota is in Colombia.
That's right, it's in Colombia.
I got mixed up. I don't know Miranda
but I hear it's a magnificent country.
The Andes cordillera, the pampas...
The pampas are in Argentina.
You're right. The pampas... of course.
I should know.
Recently, I saw a book on Latin America.
There were photos of your ancient pyramids.
- Our pyramids? - Yes.
We have no pyramids in Miranda.
Mexico and Guatemala have pyramids.
- We don't. - You're sure?
Absolutely sure.
Dinner is served.
Please...
We can go in to dinner now.
My Lord, please...
After you, Madam.
Then, Raphael, you start first.
If you insist.
Who can it be at this time?
Rosalie, answer the door.
Ladies and Gentlemen, good evening.
We apologize.
I was expecting you tomorrow.
Manoeuvres start one day earlier.
But Colonel, you arrive unexpectedly...
I'm really sorry. It isn't my fault, believe me.
Tonight we happen to have guests.
- Have you eaten? - No.
Give me five minutes. I'll see what I can do.
In the meantime, have a drink,
and get acquainted with our friends.
With pleasure.
My Lord, could you give us a hand? We need chairs.
At your service.
What's in the fridge?
A pâté, some ham...
Whisky? Dry martini? Vodka?
Anything you like.
A martini?
I'm really sorry. Mr Sénéchal had agreed
to let us stay during manoeuvres.
I never thought he'd have guests.
- Mexican? - Congo.
- Very good. - Infantry?
- No, cavalry. - I'm sorry.
What are you smoking, Colonel?
- Marijuana. You want some? - No, thank you.
- Excellency? - Certainly not.
I'd love some.
- Not those chairs! - Oh.
I'll get some others.
My Lord...
It's alright...
Unbelievable what they smoke in the Army.
My country's army is remarkably strict.
Marijuana is nothing.
It's the first step.
- I loathe drug addicts. - So do I.
Lately, 6000 US Marines were discharged
for being drug addicts.
- My Lord... - No, please...
I insist.
Very kind of you.
Marijuana isn't a drug.
Look at what goes on in Vietnam.
From the General down to the private, they all smoke.
The result is, once a week, they bomb their own troops.
They must have their reasons.
Remember, during World War 1,
French troops had to drink 3 bottles of wine per day.
- You're exaggerating. - I'm not.
And in spite of that, there still were runaways.
These were machine-gunned by the gendarmes.
There were hundreds of dead.
Never heard of it.
It's notorious. It's history. They say it happened at Verdun.
We can start dinner now.
If we sit close, we can all squeeze in.
Helpings will be limited.
But there are still some eggs, ham and cheese.
I'm sure everything will be alright. I'm very sorry.
Please, sit as best you can.
- A little foie gras, Colonel? - Gladly.
- May I help you? - Please do.
Thanks.
The manoeuvres go on for...?
About a week.
Message from the GHQ for the Colonel.
- Sir! - What's that?
Please excuse me.
- Now what! - What's the matter?
The Green Army's attacked ahead of time. We must go.
- But you didn't eat! - Sorry, Madam, orders are orders.
Ladies, Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, we are off.
- Sir! - Yes.
Ah, yes...
The Sergeant has a very nice dream to relate.
We're listening.
I had a dream, last week.
I was taking a stroll at dusk
along a very busy street.
You, around here?
And you?
I live here.
Since when?
Six years, I believe.
- And you? - I just arrived.
What's the matter? You're so pale!
And you! If you could see yourself!
- You smell of earth. - So do you.
- Going to stay here long? - Forever.
Wait here a minute.
I have to buy something.
I'll Wait.
Well, hello.
Hello.
Weren't you with Ramirez, just now?
Yes.
It was him? Are you sure?
Ramirez has been dead for more than six years.
Yes, of course! You're right.
- How can that be? - I don't know.
I came across him.
He told me he lives here.
But now, I remember. He died long ago.
He went in there.
I'll call him. Wait for me.
- Is it you? - Yes, it's me.
You recognize me?
How could I fail to?
- You didn't forget me? - Forget you?!
Every time I tried to talk to you,
you kept aloof. You spurned me.
- Remember? - I remember.
The last time, you returned to the ground.
Now, I meet you here and you come to me.
Why so late?
I don't know. I wanted to see you again.
I looked for you in that crowd.
Since I came here, I've been looking for you.
- We'll never part again. - Never.
Three minutes ago, I bumped into an old friend.
I'll bring him to meet you.
I'll wait for you.
Ramirez!
Where are you, mother?
I look for you among the shadows.
Mother?
I went, looking for my mother
in the street full of shadows.
But no one answered.
Tell us about the train dream, too.
Yes!
No. The train we'll keep for some other time.
Let's go.
My respects.
Ladies, Gentlemen.
When Lazarus rose from the dead,
he had no memories.
What's that?
The manoeuvres are starting.
I hope they'll spare the house.
I'll prepare a hot drink.
Good evening.
It's me again.
No, please, sit down.
I hope the noise doesn't disturb you.
No, it's quite normal.
It's an artillery preparation.
The cavalry will attack in 20 minutes.
I see.
Mrs Sénéchal isn't here?
So it was you, Colonel.
- Have a cup of coffee. - Thanks, I don't have time.
I wanted to apologize again.
I'd be delighted if you, and of course your friends,
agreed to come to my house for dinner next Friday.
The manoeuvres will be over.
If my friends agree.
Splendid!
I hope his Lordship will grace us with his presence.
- I'll consider it an honour. - Next Friday, then.
My wife will be delighted to meet you.
We live
at 17, rue du Pare.
The masters won't be long.
"Hat worn by Napoleon the day of the battle of Wagram."
I want to see that!
Doesn't fit me. Too small.
But I feel it's made for you.
Henri! That's bad taste!
What did I tell you? It fits you to a T.
What a child you are!
- Would you like more? - No, thank you.
- Add some soda! - No, thanks.
Cheers!
- Is it whisky? - The bottle says so.
- Tastes like quasi-cola. - It is quasi-cola.
If the meal is like the drink, I'm not looking forward to it!
Is this a joke?
To prove your courage, you invited to dinner
the Commander's ghost.
And to prove your courage...
you invited to dinner...
And to make us believe that he had come...
What am I doing here?
You drugged us.
I don't know the lines.
What's eating you?
Nothing.
A preposterous dream.
At the Colonel's, we found ourselves on a stage.
What?
Hello?
Good evening. What?
What are you doing?
We're at the Colonel's.
We feared something had happened.
I overslept.
We are leaving.
How do I look, Raphael?
Dreadful. The hat's a bit effeminate.
Excellency!
You mean Napoleon was a...?
I've already seen 3 hats Napoleon wore at the battle of Wagram.
I'm surprised.
Another whisky?
Excuse me.
Some more port?
I still have some.
Glad to see you. We were getting worried.
I'm sorry. It's all my fault.
Good evening.
Come and sit down. Have a drink.
I'll have a scotch.
- And you? - A drop of port.
I hope you'll like it. It's very old port.
Please...
Good evening. Any news from Miranda?
- What's the situation? - Quite calm.
And the guerrillas?
There are a few left. They're part of our folklore.
You have problems with the students.
Students are young. They must have some fun.
How's your government treating them?
We are not against the students.
But what can you do when your room is swarming with flies?
You take a fly-swatter and bang!
No more flies.
One moment.
I don't know your country but I hear it's beautiful.
Indeed.
Of course, you have no caviar and no champagne.
No, but we have things that are just as good, if not better.
Excuse me.
Is it true that in certain areas in Miranda there's still dire poverty?
I can hardly believe that the gap between rich and poor is widening.
You've been misled.
Our economy is expanding.
There are figures to prove it.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, your Excellency...
I heard you talk about your country.
I'm interested in administrative problems.
What are you referring to?
For instance, I'm told it's common in your country
to bribe a judge or a policeman.
Maybe in the past, like everywhere.
But today we are a true democracy.
Corruption no longer exists.
Excuse me.
I don't think I belong here.
- What's up? - Nothing.
I'll tell you.
See you tomorrow.
Your Excellency!
- Leaving already? - No, Madam. Why?
My husband would like to talk with you.
I'd like to drink to your health.
Gladly, Colonel.
Here...
- Your health. - Cheers.
Your country draws a lot of attention these days,
especially here.
I read that Miranda holds the world record
for the number of homicides per capita.
You're mistaken, Colonel.
Not at all. They say people kill at the drop of a hat.
There are at least 30 killed a day.
No, Colonel.
I think you're trying to offend me.
Me? Not at all. I'm telling you what I know.
I read it recently in a very reliable report.
I refuse to take your word for it.
I know what I'm talking about.
If I weren't your guest, I'd demand satisfaction.
I didn't know that chivalry still existed
in your semi-savage country.
Sir, you just insulted the Republic of Miranda.
I don't give a damn about the Republic of Miranda.
And I shit on your entire army.
What happened? I didn't hear a thing.
Calm down, Colonel.
He's a charming man.
The ambassador is a cad. I treated him like one.
- It's a misunderstanding. - Be calm, Colonel.
Tell us what happened.
Nothing important.
Excuse me.
Colonel...
What's the matter?
I was dreaming that I...
I dreamed that Sénéchal dreamed...
that we were going to a theatre.
Then, that we were invited to the Colonel's,
who quarrelled with Raphael.
You're silly. Go to sleep.
Relax, go to sleep.
- Good day, my Lord. - Madam.
The flowers are gorgeous. The garden has never looked better.
That's very kind of you.
By the way, we're having a few friends for lunch today.
I hope you'll join us.
- I'd love to, but I have work. - I'd be delighted.
Just close friends.
Come whenever you can.
I'll finish what I have to do, and then I'll come.
I suggest planting
a border of hydrangeas on each side of the door.
Would you come and take a look?
I plan laying out two paths of hydrangeas
from the door to the house.
- Good day to you. - What do you want?
Where can I find a priest?
You ought to go to the parish church.
But Madam, I am a priest.
What is it about?
An old man who's dying needs absolution.
Wait for me. I'll be back.
Who is it?
The man is very old and very poor.
He lives in a farm nearby.
He used to be a gardener. He is very ill.
Then a doctor is what he needs.
He says it's too late for a doctor.
A priest is what he needs.
Wait here.
Father...
I want to tell you something.
Speak up.
I don't like Jesus Christ at all.
Ever since a little girl, I've hated him.
How come?
Such a kind, gentle God? How is it possible?
You want to know why?
I have to see this invalid. We'll talk about it later.
I have carrots to deliver.
I'll tell you when I come back.
You asked for a priest. Here I am.
I bring you the solace of religion.
- Do you wish to confess? - Yes, confess.
I'm listening.
Tell me your sins.
Father...
years ago, I committed a crime.
I killed a man and a woman.
Who?
MY employers.
I killed them both.
They were so hard on me.
Look there, the photo. That's them.
Him and her.
The man behind them with a rake is me.
I was a gardener...
Such a long time ago.
And you know this little boy?
That was their son.
Yes... That was me.
I remember this photo. I saw it often.
The couple you killed was my father and mother.
The culprit was never found.
That was me.
They treated me like an animal.
He was beastly.
And she... she...
Calm down.
You want absolution before you appear before God?
Yes, for pity's sake.
God, in His kindness,
forgives the most hardened sinners.
What an example, His bringing us together here.
Close your eyes.
Collect yourself...
and pray.
May Jesus Christ forgive you.
And I, on His authority, forgive your sins.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Go in peace, now.
Do you want to drink, or would you rather eat?
I'm starving.
Then let's eat.
We have omelette with truffles...
and a guinea-fowl with morels.
Ines, you may serve dinner.
The bishop should be here, but he had to see a dying man.
Should we wait for him?
No. He said to start without him.
Any plans for this summer?
- No. - We haven't either, why?
What about coming to Miranda?
- Miranda? - All of you, as my guests.
You'd have a chance to discover my country.
Summer over there must be terribly hot.
Miranda's in the southern hemisphere. Summer here is winter there.
- Isn't that so? - Naturally.
We French know nothing about geography.
That's true.
Ines, answer the door. It must be his Lordship.
Rumour has it that you're going to be a Minister.
Police! Open the door!
In the name of the law!
Police!
Raphael Acosta?
Yes?
Inspector Delecluse.
You are Raphael Acosta, Ambassador of Miranda?
That's me.
You're under arrest.
- What? - Under arrest.
You can't.
I can. You're not in your Embassy.
Here's the warrant.
What about immunity?
I don't give a fig about it. Take him away.
Inspector, there must be a mistake.
He can't have done...
- You are Henri Sénéchal? - I am.
You're under arrest.
This is intolerable. I want to call my lawyer.
Nothing doing. Take him away.
Inspector Delecluse?
What a coincidence! We're neighbours.
I know your charming little girl.
Are you François Thévenot?
- I am. - You're under arrest.
What's the charge?
You'll know at the police station. A nice catch!
You can't arrest people just like that.
Take the women as well. Quick!
Come on.
Don't touch me!
Let go of me!
You can't...
Leave me alone! How dare you!
Take your hands off me!
Search the whole house, the bedrooms, the cellar...
- What is it? - Drug traffic.
Big shots, it seems.
Good evening.
What's the hurry?
- What day's today? - June 14th.
I forgot.
- Obviously you're new here. - Why?
June 14th is the bloody sergeant's day.
Never heard of it?
Never.
Listen... It happened at the time
the police were desperately trying to win the love of the people.
- Remember? - I remember very well.
Did you call the Home Secretary?
When can I get my lawyer?
- It's shameful! - We're women.
- Are you staying? - A bit longer.
- It's June 14th, don't forget. - I won't forget.
As I was telling you...
at the time, there was a sergeant so strict...
That's him, up there.
He was ruining our efforts to be loved.
But even so, he was a decent sort.
Well?
Still silent?
Will you talk?
So, you won't talk?
Look... I'll give you one last chance.
Will you talk or not?
Carry on.
- How's your wife? - So-so.
Will it be a boy or a girl?
I hope it'll be a girl. I already have two sons...
No! None of that!
You didn't plant the plastic charge?
You're a nice boy. Your views are sound.
But you know who did it. So, talk.
And tomorrow, you'll see your girlfriend.
I have no girlfriend.
You enjoy making an ass of me?
Too bad. You asked for it.
We'll have him play the piano.
No!
We won't kill you.
Now will you talk?
Nothing to say?
So one day, June 14th,
he was murdered during a demonstration.
Ever since, on that date, every year, he returns to redeem himself.
- Tonight? - Definitely.
Stay if you like. I'm off. I don't want to meet him.
I'm going too. Wait for me.
No!
Stop!
Don't let them get away!
No.
What's going on, Sir?
Oh, it's you.
I was washing my hands. I thought you called me.
Just imagine: I dreamt that you had released the prisoners.
Me?
What a face you had! Like a slaughtered ox!
Sometimes dreams are really...
Yes?
Hold on.
It's for you.
The Home Secretary to talk to you.
Yes, speaking.
Yes, I'll wait.
Inspector Delecluse?
Listen.
You arrested the Ambassador of Miranda and his friends.
Release them immediately.
But, Minister,
it's already on record. I can't...
Forget that. Do as I tell you.
Release them immediately.
May I know at least the reasons?
Our diplomatic relations...
I beg your pardon?
I didn't hear.
You didn't hear me?
Yes...
Very well.
I got it.
Sergeant!
Yes, Sir?
Release the prisoners.
Right away.
And... you spoke to the Minister?
Of course!
I called to thank him.
- I invited him to Miranda next year. - And?
He'll do his best to come.
What time is it?
Quarter to nine.
I hope they won't be late. My leg of lamb will be overdone.
Here they are.
Are we late?
- Not at all. How are you? - Fine, thank you.
- What a lovely dress. - Thank you.
Good evening.
- Good to see you, Raphael. - Likewise.
What incredible traffic jams.
- It's Saturday. - I should've set out earlier.
We ran across 150 or 200 cyclists, at least.
Let's skip cocktails.
We'll start with dinner or my lamb will be overdone.
Good! I'm starving.
So am I.
I prepared a soup with herbs from the garden.
A very good idea.
I cooked it myself.
Sit where you want.
François on my right,
Raphael, here.
I nearly didn't make soup. Then I thought:
is a meal without soup really a meal?
Well, Ines, how's your fiancé?
We broke off, Madam.
Why?
He left for the army for 2 years.
- You could wait for him. - He didn't want that.
He said I'm already too old.
- How old are you? - 52, Madam.
Well, I understand.
She was my parents' servant when I was a child.
I read that in Miranda, they arrested a Nazi.
Von what's-his-name... A former concentration camp commander.
It seems he was a real butcher.
Calling him a butcher seems a bit extreme to me.
I met him once.
I tell you that he's a perfect gentleman.
It's not incompatible. One can be poor and a thief.
And rich and honest, darling.
What clothes did this von what's-his-name wear?
Did he like animals?
He always went for a walk with a big dog.
There are lots of Nazis in Miranda. True?
- You like the soup? - Delicious.
Add some salt, if you like.
I'm sure it's perfect, as usual.
I'll be right back.
Just going to check the lamb.
- What time is it? - 9:10, Madam.
Take it out of the oven. 25 minutes per pound
is long enough.
Very good.
Many people don't know it, but to carve lamb,
you have to stand up, isn't that so?
It's more proper. Bear that in mind.
Thanks for the lesson.
Tell me Raphael, when were you born?
February 22, 1920.
Then you're a Pisces.
Sagittarius ascendant.
That's very interesting.
- Shall I serve you, Simone? - Please do.
- Thank you. - Hand me Raphael's plate.
Pisces - Sagittarius.
The coming together of these two signs
enhances your personality.
By nature, you try to go beyond your ego.
You think so?
François, some beans?
Especially in olive oil. I love that!
- I put some in. - Just for me.
- Raphael? - With pleasure.
Excellent lamb.
- Not overdone? - Perfect.
You like to participate in life.
You feel driven by great thoughts
and noble plans.
Your open mind has a global view of the world.
Next time you dine with me.
You'll taste caviar with a spoon.
You like that.
Florence will mix her famous drink, vodka and aquavit.
Yes!
Your sensitivity is in harmony with your humanitarian conscience.
But if you reject approved ideas,
you must replace them with your own morals.
I always followed the dictates of my conscience.
More lamb, Raphael?
With pleasure.
- You like it medium? - I don't care.
It's delicious.
Maybe I'm a bit perverse,
but I've a weakness for American canned beans.
Everybody stand up!
Ladies too!
- What is this? - Hands behind your head!
Move over there... quickly!
At least, let us explain.
You're misinformed.
Everybody to the rear!
To the rear!
And quickly!
When we've searched the house,
then we'll have time to talk.
What are you going to do?
Look!
Are you ill, Sir?
You shouted.
- Do you want anything? - No.
Nothing.
Go to bed.